A Thought Thinking Itself

Throwing Up In (Not On) The Toilet

Musicians are a funny bunch of people. I know. I was infected with musicianship at an early age and have struggled with this terrible, terrible disease for about three decades now. Sometimes, the music can overwhelm my neurological system and give me delusions of grandeur. Other times, it can bear down on my immune system and make me susceptible to all manner of things like purchasing equipment I can’t afford or smashing equipment onstage that I can’t replace. Now, thankfully, I’ve learned some powerful coping mechanisms that have curbed my propensity to do the latter, however, the former is still a struggle from time to time. Suffice it to say, musicianship can provide a horrible handicap from which all other lessons in life must flow.

Allow me to share one such story with you.

Years ago, I was working with a musician who wanted to unleash his passion and creativity. Along with my two best friends, Sarcasm & Wit, the  three of us were like the Muses working together to draw out of him what was fast asleep inside. He has an incredible sense of passion and is, quite possibly, one of the best musicians I’ve ever had the pleasure of writing and performing alongside. His raw talent was always a joy to witness, both when it was focused and when it was not. A decade ago, he was looking for help on focusing this talent, vocally.

There were a handful of musicians for whom, he explained, he had profound respect. Their passion and energy provided more than just beautiful, meaningful songs – they produced a powerful, emotive experience. And THAT is what he wanted out of himself.  He and I both knew he had this passion, however, his inhibitions simply would not let him “go there” because of the fear of what might happen if he truly let go in the moment.

We talked for weeks about that fear, hoping to find its root. We also worked through some exercises of letting go, singing and playing unrestrained to pay close attention to what that freedom feels like externally and internally. Attention was given to the nuances of muscle memory and relaxation but I warned him against the stage of criticism and error-correction at this place in the process.

“Working on correcting the errors isn’t what we focus on right now. You’ve done that enough already, first of all. Second of all, you’ll have plenty of time to do that later. Right now, our task isn’t perfection. Right now, our task is letting go of any inhibitions. You’ve GOT to find out what that feels like. Right now…in THIS moment…If it doesn’t sound like shit, you haven’t gone far enough.”

We struggled and struggled. Our goal WAS NOT to make it sound as horrible as we could. That would have been just as off focus as trying to make it sound as perfect as possible. Our goal was simple: Let go of the conventional ideas on perfect delivery and focus on perfecting the emotional connection.

And when he let go, holy cow, he let go. It was passionate. It was emotional. It brought me to tears. And it sounded like the mating call of a hippopotamus.

That’s when I told him something we’ve both never forgotten…and I still use it to this day to explain this phenomenon. I told him,

Wow. Ok. Yeah. Now that you know you can throw up ON the toilet, let’s see if we can throw up IN the toilet.

We both had an intense and hearty laugh, I think the actual word that should be used here is “guffaw”, because immediately we both had personal images that this particular metaphor tapped into. I’m sure everyone does. It may not be a beautiful image, in the conventional sense, but an image that connects nonetheless.

Good art, if art can be quantified and judged, is not perfect in a mathematical or scientific sense first. Good art is perfected, first, in an emotional sense…connecting both with oneself in the act of creation and secondarily connecting with the intended audience. Art for the sake of the creator is personally transcendent. Art for the sake of the audience is a co-creative space whereby the artist first shows what it can look like to be vulnerable. The audience then feels empowered to follow in this intimate exchange of ideas and images. When you stare into the painting, the painting stares back into you.

This is true no matter what the creation: a photograph, a song, or a sales presentation. First, you must look within yourself.  Give yourself the freedom to throw up all over the toilet. Get it all out. The first order of business isn’t to make it perfect – the first order is to simply create – UNRESTRICTED.

No doubt, that can be messy. As well it should be. Make a mess…then learn how to focus that mess. Without giving yourself the chance to make the mess first, you are guaranteed to shortchange yourself and come up far from where you could be. You were meant to create wondrous things. Now. Let go and create.

The ritual known as The Coffeelicious Cross

thelemicwaves:

1. Touch thy forehead and say ARABICA.

2. Draw down to thy groin and say MOCHA.

3. To thy right shoulder VE-ESPRESSO.

4. To thy left VE-LATTE

5. Then clasp thy hands and and say LE-CUP O’ JOE. STEAMIN.

(you may perform this rite with or without cup in hand)